Flowers on my run up and down Diamond Head this morning. This was on the long uphill part that made me want either to die or to reverse all my life choices.
How do I succeed at something I’m not innately good at? When/how does effort trump intrinsic ability?
When does the imbalance of a friendship become too heavy for the friendship to sustain?
As much as I thought I’d like it, I realize I don’t actually enjoy being the “bigger” person. It sucks, because usually the person who should acknowledge the bigness (and who is the beneficiary of said bigness) does not and will never acknowledge. That is stupid. I only want to develop good character if it is acknowledged by EVERYONE. (Sarcasm, but also a totally real feeling on my part.)
The way people estimate or evaluate their worth is fascinating. It varies completely by person, by what they already value and already are good at. I do it, too. Yikes.
Sometimes seven years in paradise is six-and-a-half years too long, especially when it costs all your money and then non-monetary stuff.
I feel really good when I make a lot of homemade food. Today I roasted a chicken, roasted-then-quick-pickled beets, and also made bomb-ass salads (with unrelated ingredients) for dinner. I feed this little family of two very well and I love that feeling. I can’t wait to feed the family of 1,045 I plan to adopt. (Don’t tell my husband, he thinks we’re only adopting 2! Shhhhhhhh)
It’s frustrating when people completely miss the nuance of myself and my discourse, when they focus on things that have no deep relation to my actual ideas and beliefs. But that is what being an author is, I suppose. In some ways, that’s what it is to be an INFJ and HSP. A post for another time…
I love my kitties with a love that defies rationality and specie-ality. They should not be my kids, but they are. I even ignore them like people ignore their kids. (That made me laugh.)
Today I ran 9 miles and it felt amazing. I think I might be getting my running mojo back, a mojo I killed by running a marathon in 2016. My bad.
It’s 8:30pm and I’m going to have a gigantic cookie (made by the lovely people at a community group here and given to me by an even lovelier donor) and then go to bed in clean sheets and with very tired legs (9 miles run plus an Insanity Max:30 workout makes for deliciously tired leg muscles). Be jealous. Be very jealous.