In-Between Thoughts: Cockroaches EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE

First time lifting since… *checks lifting log* January 30. That’s not too bad, all things considered! Thankfully, I found that haven’t lost ALL my strength. Still did six pullups in a row. I kept all the same weight for my other lifts. The only thing that changed is that I now lift with perfect posture. This herniated disc is probably going to end up being good for me in the long run (she says with a grumble).

Onto “thoughts in between sets at the gym” otherwise known as “thoughts while I gasp for breath” otherwise known as “if you could only see how much I am sweating while I write these thoughts” thoughts.

For those who dream of living in the paradise that is Hawaii, here is a proper perspective-setting story for you. Hawaii has cockroaches. This is no surprise. But we, personally, don’t seem to have many in our apartment. I see one occasionally in the mornings when I turn on the lights, scurrying to its hiding place behind the bookshelf or under the tv stand. (They hate the light because the light reveals how disgusting they are.) Occasionally a Big Boy crawls into the bathroom and I shriek and cover it with a cup for Chris to find and dispose of when he gets up. #wifeoftheyear #independentwoman All in all, they are a nuisance and gross but fairly rare.

Our building brings in an exterminator every couple months and we can pay to have them come spritz the edges of our floors and in our cupboards. Chris and I decided not to pay the $40 for literally 3 minutes of the exterminator’s time and instead I bought a set of six Hoy Hoy sticky traps for $12. Economical! Hoy Hoy traps are large, short rectangular boxes with bait in the middle surrounded by sticky stuff. Cockroaches go in for the food, get stuck in the sticky, and… well, you fill in the rest. (I am conflicted about the barbarism of it, but we have to get rid of them somehow for sanitary reasons.) We’d never tried these traps before and I was getting fed up with paying a lot for, honestly, not terribly effective extermination duties. A $12 DIY attempt seemed a worthwhile effort.

We set a couple Hoy Hoy traps around the apartment and then forgot about them for two weeks.

Then Chris checked the one in the living room.

Oh. My. Gawd.

IT WAS FULL OF COCKROACHES. Edge to edge, crammed in like sardines. I almost barfed. WHAT THE WHAT THE HOW THE WHAT

He promptly replaced the full trap with a fresh one and we figured that original trap got the bulk of them. It HAD to have gotten most of them. There were just too many to think there were still a bunch more out there in our tiny apartment. The rest of the traps we would set out would surely be maintenance traps, to be replaced every couple of months when the sticky wore out. SURELY WE DON’T LIVE WITH THAT MANY ROACHES.

And indeed, for a few weeks, we continued not to see any out and about.

Then I found a Big Boy in the kitty food dish. OH HELL TO THE NO. They can scurry around in the dark, maybe hunt me while I’m peeing, but interfere with the wellbeing of my precious, bitey fur balls?! NOT ON MY WATCH, MOTHER F@#$$*@&.

So I did what every brave woman would do. I kicked the bowl until the roach ran away, dumped and refilled the kitty food, left for work, and texted Chris (once I got to work) to check the trap and maybe replace it.

Guess what? TOTALLY FULL. AGAIN.

There is no moral to this story. Well, maybe the moral is that if something, something like Hawaii, seems like paradise? There’s a 100% chance it’s full of cockroaches.

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