Thoughts between sets at the gym.
Hoo boy, first leg workout in a few weeks. If I can walk tomorrow I will count it a miracle.
1. I am still so very tired. I hate that exhaustion is such a non-specific symptom because it is so hard to pinpoint the cause and a solution. More sleep? Not really needed. Rest days? I just had a week off all workouts and am still bone-weary. Slight anemia? I’ve started taking iron supplements and it might be helping. Stress? Definitely. At least I can always count on exercise to help give me something of a boost, even though it is harder to motivate myself to start the workout when I’m this weary. Good thing I have very established workout habits, I guess.
2. SPEAKING OF, I’m really enjoying Atomic Habits by James Clear. It is definitely a self-help book but one so rooted in the science of how and why people decide to act in their daily habits that it doesn’t feel hokey in the slightest. It feels refreshing, even liberating. It’s a universal struggle – we all have an idea of the person we want to be but we can’t seem to attain that. We halfway aspire. Maybe partial aspiration is our act of dreaming the self? Imagination and dreams are definitely a precursor to aspiration. We need something new and beautiful and important to aspire to, and usually that doesn’t come from what we already have or know. I think this is a large part of why I read — I love getting new ideas that help me figure out myself, others, and this life in a way that I absolutely could not on my own. How funny to realize that I can’t truly know myself if I only know myself. Ok, that is too deep for the gym.
3. What is not too deep for the gym is something funny going on in this here ol’ blog space. You know how I can tell the pandemic is waning? Every day I gets tens of hits on my post on how to spend a week on the Big Island. I find this funny in part because this blog is anything but a travel blog. Of all my posts, that’s the one that gets all the attention?! I find this endlessly amusing. And no, they aren’t poking around or sticking around for any other content. BASTARDS.
P.S. — My biggest tip that wasn’t part of Big Island traveling in 2019 when I wrote the post? BOOK YOUR RENTAL CAR FIRST. There is a huuuuge rental car shortage across Hawai’i right now, and even an Uber/Lyft can take up to 2 hours to arrive because the transportation need is so great. So there you have it. My best tip for 2021 Hawai’i travel, buried in a post decidedly not geared for Hawaii travel SEO.
THAT’S WHAT YOU GET, ALL YOU ONLY-READING-ONE-RANDOM-POST PEOPLE. (I am very happy you like the post, please don’t hate me.)
4. Speaking of all this frenetic travel, I am so uneasy about returning to pre-COVID normal. Molly Jung Fast wrote about it beautifully here, and really spoke to what I’m going through. I love the slower pace, the release from relentless gogogoing of modern life, the release from always having to be somewhere. I don’t enjoy the fear of a novel virus that is mutating as we speak, putting the cross-variant efficacy of the vaccines in constant question, and I am so sorrowful for all the harms and losses incurred by so many this past year. So this is not to say that I’m grateful for the pandemic and the virus, just that the radical shift to a wholly new way of safe living, came with certain revelations and comforts. I don’t really know what I want life to look like going forward. But all these changes are happening whether we are ready for them or not, whether we know how we feel about them or not.
5. It’s been a week+, but I’m still reveling in the damn near magical holiday weekend I had for Memorial Day. I read on the beach, hiked to one of my favorite Windward views, went kayaking out to Mokoli’i, and had ample time to be lazy and get rest. I may have had some delicious food in there, too. It’s only frustrating to be doing all the right things (get out into nature, get exercise, get rest, eat good food) and feel that tired, dark cloud no matter what. (Don’t worry, I’m also in therapy, so I’m doing all I can to find solutions!)