In-between thoughts: what would change your mind?

There’s a good rule of thumb in evaluating your own beliefs that if there is NOTHING that you say would change your mind on something, then you are not thinking well. It’s important to recognize the limits of our beliefs and make sure we establish the guardrails that will help us from running off the…More

We (must) matter most to ourselves

As I was continuing my thoughts about friendships (SO. MANY. THOUGHTS), one word that kept coming to mind was “matter.” To form a friendship is to make someone matter to us. To matter is to be of importance. To matter to someone is to be of importance (to be important) to someone. All relationships are…More

The way we build friendships (though we may not realize it)

In talking through my ideas in my previous post about criteria for Good Friends, a friend and I were talking about what it looks like when two people are mismatched in terms of either capacity, interest, and availability. Friendships are different from the donor-fundraiser relationship in a fundamental way: in friendships, both parties have something…More

How looking for donors changed how I look for friends

I’ve been thinking about friendships lately. (I think this is one of my perennial wonderings, it turns out. Friendships are weird.) I had a couple hard situations where I felt really let down, and I started to question what I was looking for in friendships and why I was investing in friendships that were ultimately…More

Finding the sweet spot for challenging our friends

There is such beauty in those friends who think well of us enough to believe we have the potential and ability to be better than we are. Friends who exhort us to be better, not in a shaming spirit (“you are not good enough as you are”) but in the way that sees what we’re…More

In-Between Thoughts 12.17.18: grace in relationships

What is this stinky place with all the weird machines and sticks and rubber plates and people in tight pants? What is a “deadlift” and why is everything so stupid and so heavy? It has been almost one month since my last legs day and two weeks since my last upper body session. I can…More

As beliefs change, so do relationships…

I don’t really have a photo for this post so… here’s my cat. On my bookshelf. Lurv. I guess since she doesn’t have beliefs (other than the importance of being pet at all times), our love will never change? As long as I keep delivering the pets, that is. I’m realizing how much the depth…More

Resonators, friends, and Charles Williams

I recently wrote about how much I enjoyed Bandersnatch by Diana Pavlac Glyer, and I am sorry but I still have more to say so buckle up, buttercup. You better be on board the Bandersnatch train because it’s about to leave the station. (I don’t know, I have a headache.) Yet another thing Glyer talked about…More

Friends and writers

Recently I read Bandersnatch: C. S. Lewis, J. R. R. Tolkien, and the Creative Collaboration of the Inklings by Diana Pavlac Glyer. It’s a quick read on a well-trod topic, but Glyer takes an interesting and more difficult angle by investigating if and how the conversations at Eagle and the Child actually shaped and changed the works themselves —…More