Hawai’i unsettles

Hawai’i constantly unmoors me. Just when I think I have Hawai’i figured out with its swaying palms, I find myself surrounded by that most PNW of trees, the pine. Our home is in the middle of a hundred pines, interspersed with only the occasional palm tree. The piney smell hits me every time I step…More

In-between thoughts: what would change your mind?

There’s a good rule of thumb in evaluating your own beliefs that if there is NOTHING that you say would change your mind on something, then you are not thinking well. It’s important to recognize the limits of our beliefs and make sure we establish the guardrails that will help us from running off the…More

Trying to find security in the most insecure places

I was thinking of Abraham Maslow‘s hierarchy of needs the other day. All needs are about security. Fulfilling a need is making our well-being more certain, making our lives more secure. Everything we seek out is, in some way, helping us feel more secure. Security (because it helps ensure our survival) drives pretty much all…More

In-between thoughts: things I’ve been reading

Thoughts in-between sets at the gym. I realized today that the only lift that still makes me nervous is the pull-up. Before every set my hands start to sweat and I get tingles. Is it love? Is it nerves? Am I twitterpated or just terrified? Or perhaps a blend of all because I love me…More

Why women cry about criticism

Was this click-bait-y and enraging enough? I gave it my best. At the gym the other day I was thinking about the tired trope that women cry when criticized. I hate this trope for several reasons, none of which I realized are relevant to the actual truth value (whatever it may be) of the trope.…More

We (must) matter most to ourselves

As I was continuing my thoughts about friendships (SO. MANY. THOUGHTS), one word that kept coming to mind was “matter.” To form a friendship is to make someone matter to us. To matter is to be of importance. To matter to someone is to be of importance (to be important) to someone. All relationships are…More

The way we build friendships (though we may not realize it)

In talking through my ideas in my previous post about criteria for Good Friends, a friend and I were talking about what it looks like when two people are mismatched in terms of either capacity, interest, and availability. Friendships are different from the donor-fundraiser relationship in a fundamental way: in friendships, both parties have something…More

In-between thoughts: my philosophy love is weirding people out

Thoughts between sets at the gym. Well, guess who has two thumbs had a physical therapy appointment to check up on her herniated disc and heard the phrase “you might have to get comfortable with doing these exercises daily for the rest of your life, and also don’t bend over at the waist, like, ever…More

My new favorite snack: air-fryer dehydrated pineapple

Are you ready for the easiest, tastiest, most tropical recipe ever?! It’s amazing. And so simple I shouldn’t even call it a recipe. But I will. Because this is my website and I make the rules. Here it is: cut up a pineapple. Throw it in the air fryer at 135 degrees for 7.5 hours.…More

How looking for donors changed how I look for friends

I’ve been thinking about friendships lately. (I think this is one of my perennial wonderings, it turns out. Friendships are weird.) I had a couple hard situations where I felt really let down, and I started to question what I was looking for in friendships and why I was investing in friendships that were ultimately…More