At the moment… 3/8/2018

1. I have a very love/hate relationship with Hawaii, and lately it's been mostly of the "hate" variety. Yesterday something softened in me, though, and I felt a huge swell of affection and reverence for this place. Who knows what is noodling around in the subconscious part of my brain, but it's a relief not… Continue reading At the moment… 3/8/2018

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Emotions and blame

I am super emotional. I feel all the things all the time, whether or not those feelings are mine alone or are feelings I have absorbed from someone near me. (I have a love/hate relationship with that part.) One of the big projects or efforts in my life is to find healthy ways to deal… Continue reading Emotions and blame

“Do you see me? Am I valuable?”

These last few weeks have revealed to me just how much we are all desperately, subconsciously, aggressively, or fearfully trying to prove to others that we are valuable. I'm surrounded by researchers who want the government or a private funder to find their research valuable enough for financial investment. I'm surrounded by graduate students who… Continue reading “Do you see me? Am I valuable?”

Why publishing my book didn’t make me happier (and how I dealt with the tears and fears)

Today I cried. "Sobbed" might be a better word. And while crying is not unusual for me (I will even cry at commercials, and not just the ASPCA kind), these tears were different. They felt like they were pulled from my deepest insecurities and spilled my emotional guts all over my work desk and my… Continue reading Why publishing my book didn’t make me happier (and how I dealt with the tears and fears)